Feast of the End 3, Cut Section

This is a section that I decided to remove from the book. It is short and had no affect on the plot at all. While I don’t want to spoil it, I do want you to know what you’re getting yourselves into, so here is what the scene is. It’s a short love scene between two characters. This part is supposed to take place midway through Chapter 18.

Here is the part, which I called

Stars in the Night

“Selaf,” Tähti said with a sweet, dulcet tone. She came up from behind and placed her hands on Selaf’s shoulder. “Why don’t you stop for the night and get some rest?”

Selaf was hunched over a table. A map was spread over the entire surface. It was already full of crinkles from where her fingers had traced. “In a bit,” she said.

Tähti pulled the chair away. “I want to spend some time with you. I thought, I thought I would never see you again. And now you’re back.” She pulled Selaf off the chair by the hands. “I don’t want to take any time with you for granted.”

“Uh,” Selaf mumbled. “Alright, I suppose?”

“I,” Tähti sputtered. She couldn’t lock eyes, however, and her face was deep red. “I want you.”

“You want me to do what?” Selaf asked.

“No! I mean I want you.”

There was still a confused look, though.

Tähti let out an exasperated sigh. “Are you really going to make me say it? Fine! I want you to engage with me in the act of love making.”

“You want to what?” Selaf’s mouth remained hanging open even after she was finished speaking. “H—how would that work? I mean, uh, I know we are in courtship, but I didn’t think that would mean we would be doing that. It wouldn’t, uh, it wouldn’t physically work.”

“I don’t care! I just want to do stuff to you right now.”

Tähti reached out, placing her hand on Selaf’s thigh. She pulled up the skirt until she could feel the soft skin tickle her fingertips. Slowly, her hand ran up, passing over the hips and up to the torso.

Selaf bit her lips and pulled away. She swung around towards the bed. “Alright. If you want to. What, um, what should I do?”

Tähti slipped over to the door. She made certain it was locked tight and then turned back with a coy look, her eyes narrower than normal and smile larger. “Get undressed, completely.” Her voice was firm and commanding, even without using the feastend’s power.

Selaf did as told. The cold licked at her soft, curving body. Ever since she had started eating and living healthier, her body figure had gotten better. It was something Tähti noticed and appreciated. Selaf hugged her own body to protect from the cold. Her arms squished her breasts together, forming a pleasing line.

Tähti smiled as she slipped out of her dress. She let the clothes fall to the floor. Seeing a naked girl in front of her caused Tähti’s hands to move on their own. She pushed Selaf onto the bed and then got on top.

A look of surprise on was Selaf’s face. “What now?”

“Uh, I’m not sure exactly,” Tähti said. “But stop talking. You’re spoiling the moment.”

Tähti ran her fingers along Selaf’s body, tracing down her side and bringing it together to the navel.

Selaf squirmed and tried to pull away. She was biting back laughter and had to pull away Tähti’s hands.

“What?” Tähti asked.

“It tickles.”

“You’re not ticklish.”

“Well, you never touched me like that before,” Selaf said. She swung around and forced Tähti onto the bed. “Let’s see how you like it.”

“No, Selaf!” Tähti had to block her mouth to muffle the laughter. The fingers running along her sides were just too much. Her thrashing brought out the dizak strength within her and she flung Selaf right off the bed. “Oh! I’m sorry!”

From the chortling sounds coming from the floor, Selaf didn’t mind. She placed one hand on the edge of the bed, then the other. Following that, she slowly pulled up until her eyes were visible.

“Selaf!” Tähti reproached. “This isn’t supposed to be funny. I’m trying to be romantic here.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Selaf pouted her lips in a smirk. “I just don’t know what to do right now. This is the first time I’ve done anything like this at all. I don’t even know where to begin.”

“I don’t either,” Tähti admitted. “I thought we would just sort of figure it out together. I do know how to pleasure a girl, though.”

“Show me.”

“Is that how you ask?” Tähti let out an agitated noised and fell back onto the bed.

Selaf climbed on and then lay down next to her. “I’m sorry. You know I’m not good at this. Tell me.”

Tähti spun around to the side. “No. The moment’s gone, and I’m feeling tired.”

Selaf reached over and stroked her lover along the cheek. “Listen. I’m going to go find some professional help. You know, the kind you pay money for. Then I’ll know what to do for next time.”

“What? No! I am not going to have you sleep around with some harlot!”

“Don’t get mad. It’s just a suggestion.”

Tähti rolled over until they were face to face. She grabbed Selaf by the cheeks and then pulled. “You have a lot to learn about being in a relationship.”

“I never denied that.”

“I can’t say that I have any real experience either, though. You’re the first person I’ve been with.”

Selaf broke free of the pinching on her cheeks and climbed onto the bed. She slid next to Tähti, pressing up so their bodies were touching. The warmth that flowed in between them kept the cold night at bay. Feeling Tähti’s body without using her hands brought redness to Selaf’s cheeks.

“Sorry I ruined your night.”

Tähti smiled. “This is really nice, too. I wish we could stay like this forever.”

“I would prefer to be at home instead of this inn,” Selaf said.

That response prompted Tähti to smack her on the shoulder. “You know what I meant!”

“Yes.”

Selaf brushed the hair out from Tähti’s forehead and then planted a soft kiss.

It might not have been the night that Tähti originally wanted, but it was one that she was going to remember.

End

And there it is. There were a few reasons why I decided not to put this in the book. One, I’m not any good at writing love scenes. Two, I feel awkward making my characters do… stuff… Also, I’m American, where violence is yes and sex is no.

Though I did want to write it just because I don’t like the instant sex expert thing that happens in other works. Selaf and Tähti have no idea what they’re doing, and I want to show that.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Advertisements

Feast of the End, Story changes

Time for a post about the largest difference between the original version of the story and the version that I decided upon in the end. The ending was completely different, though I’ll get into that a bit later.

Also, pretty big ending spoilers.

What I want to talk about first is Dreadclaw Prison, the prison of structures dangling off the oceanside cliff. Originally, I wanted to have a chapter or two in there to show what the inside is like. I mean, who introduces a prison only not to have a prison escape scene? I wanted one.

The prisoner was going to be Kristhal Salon, Tähti’s mother, for her perceived role in what happened at Brangliss. Tähti was then going to break in and save Kristhal before going on her quest. When that didn’t happen, I no longer had any reason to go to Dreadclaw Prison.

Though I always wanted to include the scene at the end of the prison chains breaking and the entire thing crashing into the waters below. That was the entire reason I had the prison on chains.

Now, on to the big change: The Ending.

In the original ending, An was dead and Selaf was the new Anthelia Maiden. Yes, that’s right. She became the Anthelia Maiden on accont of being a feastend of Anmaul. Instead of being powerful herself, she would have Bloodnose (the alpha ampwolf) as her gaurdian as well as any dizak she wants to help her out.

I didn’t like that thematically, though. All things considered, Sorcnon would be the “evil” nation in other stories. Selaf becoming the Athelia Maiden would be like her turning into what she was afraid of, those with power. In addition, the Anthelia Maiden serves the will of the Council, so she wouldn’t be free, anyway.

I realized pretty early on that what Selaf really wants is a chance at a normal life, some place away from the eyes of everyone. That is, like, the opposite of what the Anthelia Maiden is.

Now, instead of actively using Anmaul’s power, Selaf’s new goal is to not use it at all, to hide that the power even exists from the world. Because as long as people think they can use it to gain more power, they will try. So the great responsibility the power comes with is not using it for anything.

In the original ending, I didn’t have a plan for Hallas. Both Tähti and Ooria were going to be aides to Selaf, though. Also, Vice-President Strom (of Railpane) and Radils Siltern were going to also be council members.

There was even another earlier version where Miletta didn’t die. Instead, she did accept Selaf’s offer of being seen as a hero that stopped Thalliance from inside after being captured. I changed it to her being the true final confrontation because Selaf didn’t have enough of a connection to any other bad guy.

That, and I guess I wanted a more idealistic story, where people who do bad things do get punished. Miletta pretty much has done the most on-book bad things out of all characters, and I think it would mean Selaf’s story is at a standstill if she’s still working for Miletta after everything.

All changes were made before I even started writing the book. I mean, the Dreadclaw prison thing would have to be set up in book 2. I think the new version is much stronger in terms of Selaf’s growth. I think I wrote out Miletta for long periods of the book to make it easier to kill her in the end. I just find it tough to kill any of the character’s I’ve made, especially major ones.

Next time, I will put up a cut portion of the book! You might be able to see why it was cut once you read it. Have fun.

Feast of the End 3, Dizaks

Time for the new dizaks in Feast of the End 3! I didn’t introduce as many new dizaks, but the ones I did are the strongest and most important ones in the world. Beware of spoilers. Please finish the book first!

Rhino Dizaks. They are like wooly rhinos. Yeah, that’s it. They are the dizaks kept in the basement prison of the Thalliance palace if you forgot. Strong and tough to take down, that’s them.

The Nightmare Knights, these are the strongest dizaks known to the people. I modeled them after the Arthurian Knights. And if the Citacron are modeled after Charlemagne’s Paladins, that’s like the Knights of the Round Table fighting the Paladins. Still, one on one, the nightmare knights are the strongest.

I decided to give them a simple power, just pure strength, because I wanted to emphasize that simplicity can be good. And I wanted to tie the lesson on how to use feastend powers from the first book into the overall story. The knights are the pinnacle of controlling that power.

The backstory for the nightmare knights are that they are feastends taken to a whole new level. In the past war, human soldiers were combined with dizaks. When they had kids, the second generation became too unruly to leave in society, so they were kicked out. The nightmare knights were given their own land and they stayed there for the most part.

Artona is the king of the nightmare knights and the strongest individual around. He is obviously the Arthur of the knights. The female knight I described at the battle is his wife, Guinnahan.

Originally, I wanted Artona to be the one to go to Anmaul, but I decided he was too important to do that. If he injured someone, they would be dead. So I made another knight, Pacaval, to do it. I wanted to show Pacaval still as strong, so he pretty much just marched through Anmaul without anyone being able to stop him. It also served to show how he is single-mindedly hunting the person that he wounded. Then it gave it more impact when he listens to Selaf in the end.

Anmaul, oh boy, Anmaul. I’ve had the idea that Anmaul is a dizak living under the city since the first book. It’s why I introduced the key points. Key’s unlock things, right? Hehe.

Anyway, Anmaul was originally much larger, like the size of the entire city. But then when it got up, it would destroy the entire city, and I didn’t want that, so I limited its size to a few city blocks under the Key Tower, instead. I was also trying to mitigate a creature of that size just collapsing on itself but having it moved really closer to the ground and having a body structure more like a building than something living.

I hope Anmaul was a fitting final stage for the final climax of the book.

The next part may be double spoiler. Anything here might be relevant information for any future book if I continue the series. Stop reading here if you don’t want to know!

Karnis the Million Beast. This is the dizak that is stored in Karnis, the capital of Thalliance. It is the thousands of wolf statues all around the city. Karnis is a replicating dizak. Every week, it splits. During the war, it was only used for a few weeks before the powers in charge decided that it was too dangerous. Soon, Karnis would outnumber the people of the island, so they tunred it into stonr.

Magloda the Cross Island Cannon, or whatever I gave as its title. This one is definitely dead. It is buried inside the pillar in the center of Magloda, capital of Betaia. Magloda looks like a giant snake that’s wider at the head than the tail. Only it can remain vertical. It has the ability to shoot magical shots with a range that reaches from one end of the island to the other. During the ancient war, it was used to attack the sky cities.

That’s it for the dizaks!

Feast of the End 3, Characters 6

This is likely the final character design notes post, at least for a while. If I find that I have forgotten someone, I will make a new one! This one will be all about the various minor characters that appear in the story. Be wary of spoilers.

Gates. Ah, Gates. I’ll bet you thought he wasn’t going to get any major role again. When I set the scene in the first book of him explaining the best way to use a dizak’s power, I didn’t have any further plans for it. But in this book, I do. And how could I not have him explain it again?

Now that Selaf is much more open to people, Gates is one of the people she likes. He also cares for her. I was never intending on killing him. He’s too nice of a guy for that. I am just glad I managed to work him back into the story.

Dess Mióne. You know, she is among my favorite characters in the book. Though I sort of designed her without regards to the rest of the world. That’s sort of why she has a unique look. I made up the Lumians afterwards to explain her strange haircolor.

Maybe it’s surprising, but she and Selaf have a decent relationship. Dess Mióne likes Selaf and will, when no other conflicts arise, help Selaf over not helping. I also never intended on killing her. The book doesn’t have that kind of karma.

Oh, I forgot if I mentioned it, and this is back in the first book, but slave number one is Dess Mióne’s personal slave that spies on the others.

Radils Siltern. I still don’t have a full use for him, but as he was around, I had to address him somehow. Seeing as how most powerful people in Sorcnon are self-serving and conniving, I decided to have him betray Miletta at the drop of a hat. He will not fight for her one bit.

He’s still around, somewhere.

Gilliam. He… is not in this book. Though he did go off to fight in the war and came back safely.

Lord Thannior Tarea. Miletta’s father. He did not have much of  buildup previous to his appearance, though I suppose the lack of any information about him could point to Miletta’s feelings. I originally thought he should be nicer, but then I wanted Miletta’s childhood not to be that peachy. That’s why I made him harsh and stern. He loves his daughter but is horrible at showing it.

At the end of the story, he is still around, though he rarely leaves his home anymore.

Prinery. Quick note, this character has the favorite name out of any character I made for Feast of the End. She was also a late addition. Before, I sort of wanted Miletta’s father to be addled and remorseful over how he left things with his daughter. He would be the one telling Selaf about Miletta. When his personality changed, I needed someone else to fill that role. Thus came Prinery.

Mür Alline. Since I was always planning on having Sirts die, I figured why not have a possible replacement. That’s why I gave her a decently large role, just to give a sense of her personality and wits. I still wanted to show how harsh she is, hence I wrote the part where Tähti and Mina are asking for her help.

Davin Redkiln. He originally didn’t even have a name until I figured it was too awkward to continue writing that way. He is certainly the much less important of the two lawyers. Oh well.

The generals. The five elite squad commanders as well as the generals of the army. They are:

Anselm Dalkur, commander of the Elite Center Guards. He is not a feastend. I haven’t even decided if I want him to have dizak blood. I sort of think that makes him more of a monster compared to everyone else. There he is, a normal person, going up against people with magic tools. I think I sort of pulled the same thing with him as I did Tähti’s father, show him to be callous towards his children but have him be really affected in the end.

Oh, he did give birth to another son later on that can hopefully continue the Dalkuran line.

Lynn Rapsard, commander of the Elite Assault Force. Out of all the secondary characters, I think he/she had to die. Yes, he/she is dead. He/she is a character that has helped the main character over the previous two books, and thus, is someone decently important.

I still have no idea what I was trying with making him/her gender indeterminate.

Renault Gabre, commander of the Elite Wall Defenders. I mentioned him in the first book but only decided on what he was like this book. I decided for the laid-back kind of guy. I wished I could have detailed the sniper battle during the climax more, but that then I would have to do the fights of the other Citacron, too. Still, I really like the idea that both him and Drael (the Citacron sniper) ducking and weaving in between cover while trying to spot each other.

Baltic Noran, commander of the Elite Investigation Unit. I also mentioned him in the first book. He leads the spies, basically. I gave him a more serious personality. Because he could not warn Sorcnon about Thalliance’s plans early enough, he too took many risks and got killed during the war.

Seraphina Ash, commander of the Elite Dizak Hunters. She was the only one not mentioned in the first book, I think. But she was given special mention in the second book. That continued into the third book to give her a greater role. I wanted someone different from the other cocky and confident commanders, so I made her more shy. Still, she knows how to give a speech when it counts.

Her feastend power allows her to create a large dome of darkness that only she can see through. The other Ashans are equipped with special goggles that allow them to see.

As far as fighting prowess goes, she’s probably tied with Commander Rapsard.

Betaia. They are also not in this book, though I do want to mention what they were doing during the war. When troops started to mobilize, Betaia lined their borders with airships and cannons. They did not join in the fighting, but their presence was a sufficient deterrent in keeping Thalliance forces away from the northern pars of Sorcnon.

That is it for the minor characters. Whew. If I forgot someone, I’ll make a new post later.

Feast of the End 4, Character 5

Welcome to the high-level officials of Sorcnon! This should be the second to last set of character notes. Next time, it will be about other minor characters. And after that, the new dizaks of the book! Spoilers will follow, beware!

The Council, there are six of them and they make decisions by discussion and putting them to a vote. Though they don’t always have to attend, so sometimes there are 5 or less members. Any ties are handled by the Anthelia Maiden.

The council members are Council Member Timodan. He does not have a first name. Only Council Member Sirts has a first name. Timodan was the first council member I made, so I sort of like him better than the others. He is a happy and jovial fellow.

Council Member Allanta is the calm one. He is just sort of there.

Council Member Illias is the oldest of the council members. He also used to be in the military and knows how to fight using his feastend powers. His dizak is a slish, by the way. He wears a monocle because his other eye has been lost to disease. It looks pretty nasty.

Council Member Rays is the youngest of the council members. He is ambitious and wants to show that he can be taken seriously.

Council Member Havel is the only female of the council. She is the most outspoken out of all of them and is used to getting her way. She probably has the second-most or most characterization out of the group.

Lastly, Council Member Orach Sirts, the only one to have a full name. After I noticed that he did not appear in the first book, I whipped up the conflict between him and Miletta. I really liked how that turned out. Overall, I wanted to leave it ambiguous whether he is or is not guilty of killing Miletta’s mother. You can decide that for yourself. Though I will say he has been a trustworthy head of the justice department.

The Anthelia Maiden, otherwise known as Anelly Dalkur. I liked the An- suffix naming scheme for the family, though of course her mother is not named as such. Her mother is still alive, just not all that important.

I don’t think she really changed much over the story. Selaf just got to know her better. The only part where she really throws her authority around is when it concerns her older brother. And though I really liked her character, I sort of had to show just how dangerous King Eaglus and his Citacron are. She has the credibility to be threatening. The Council do not.

Her death scene was the subject was much rewriting. Each time, I made everyone struggle more, both her and the Citacron. It was hard, but I felt it came out really well with the remaining Citacron all needing their skills in order to win. And that was after she wasted most of her power on stopping Anmaul. If she was at full power, the result might be different.

Thus far she has ice powers, moving things with her mind powers (that includes herself) and invisibility powers.

Last for this post is An. This is his book to shine. Despite how he acts, he actually knows whats going on, and he only wants what’s best for everyone. That is why he decides Anmaul is better off gone rather than being used as a tool of war, even by Sorcnon. In the original version I had An dying at the end. I’ll explain the major differences between this ending and the original one later.

An was created for the sole purpose of the ending scene. He would be Selaf’s final guide into choosing to be the person she is. I needed to add in some scenes of Selaf and An bonding, which I think was pretty out of place most of the time but was necessary. I actually added in a few more scenes than before just to get more of an interaction going between An, Selaf and Anelly.

An actually has a lot of dizak powers, more than Anelly. He just doesn’t use them that much. The regenerative one is automatic, though. I do hope people don’t think I was trying to portray any serious mental issues with him. I did not do enough research on that. Whatever An has, it is purely fictional.

That’s all for this post. Bye.

Feast of the End 3, Character Notes 4

Welcome to the fourth installment of character notes! The next part will be about high-level Sorcnon officials.

Anyway, the characters I’ll be looking at this time are King Arveil Eaglus, Advisor Hilvan Aruum and the Citacron. There will be spoilers.

First up is Hilvan Aruum. I really wanted to make him more of a presence within the story, but I found it hard to tie into Selaf’s tale. He would have been the main antagonist of Book 2 if book two followed Hallas.

As it was, I tried to give him presence by having him be the one to give a speech in Thalliance and by having Hallas point to him as the main cause of the war. I wanted to give a bit of hope that the King might be more reasonable. Overall, I’m a bit sad that he wasn’t built up enough.

Now then, for the main antagonist of the book, King Arveil Eaglus. *crowd cheering noises*

From all I’ve revealed about Thalliance, how they are steeped in tradition, I wanted the King Eaglus to be the most traditional of them all. He believes in the old alliance about how all three nations were one Kingdom. To him, the war is more of a civil war rather than an invasion. He believes he is strengthening the entire kingdom, and he may or may not be right overall. It’s not like there is something beyond Aarhsolm that might invade or something.

Now why did I decide to have him survive? Probably due to not coming up with a situation where having him dead wouldn’t turn the entire island into a warzone. Keep in mind that he is a King with the popular support of the people. The people of Thalliance support uniting all the nations.

And I wanted to show that King Eaglus was smart and had self-control. He’s not about to needlessly throw away his powers. I had him say to know when to give up, and I had him live up to those words. Besides, he could still have some interesting things to do in the future if I want to continue the story of Feast of the End.

Now for the Citacron. I wanted their name to evoke Citadel Knights, like how Templars are Temple Knights and Paladins are Palace Knights. Those definitions may or may not have been made up by me, but that’s the reason for the Citacron. The original group name went through several revisions before I finally set upon the current name. I can’t even remember all of them.

I wanted the Citacron to be an entity rather than individuals, which was why I never referred to them by name even though I did give all of them names. I did base most of their looks on Dark Souls armors. Here is the list of them.

Sharius, one of the knights that accompanies King Eaglus into Anmaul. He is the one that is also a wizard. His sword acts as his staff.

Imers, the other knight that goes into Anmaul. He is the one with the axe and shield.

Horia is the knight with the penants on his back. He is a bit of a preacher and gives inspirational speeches.

Resil is the lone female of the Citacron. I did have a history in which there is always eight members of the Citacron and one of them is always female due to a warrior maid that saved the King many years ago.

Oracon, the tall knight that faced the Anthelia Maiden. I decided to make him the silent type.

Gion is the wild one of the bunch. Out of all the knights, he is the one that likes to fight the most. I have not decided if he is dead or not.

Drael is the one with the sniper and the only one of the Citacron that uses modern weaponry. I wanted guns to remain the most dangerous weapon even in the face of magic and monsters so I made him a hidden sniper type. He may or may not still be alive.

That’s all for the Citacron! I had a lot of fun making up eight of them. See you next time.

Feast of the End 3, Character Notes 3

It’s time for my character notes on the Shining Sun Order. I suppose I will not include their leader for this post. Instead, the leader will be in the next post with the other members of the high-level Thalliance officials. There will be spoilers in this post, so please read the book first!

To start with, Hethyr, of course. I wanted to convey a sense of uncertainty and resolve with him. His entire mission was pretty much a lie, so the only thing he has left is to focus on serving his nation. I did want to show off his side of emotions. Selaf has pretty much killed several of his closest allies and friends, so he has legitimate gripes and hatred for her.

His relationship with Hallas is more along the lines of respected warriors. In the first book, he tried to convince Hallas to join the Shining Sun Order. When Hallas refused, the two clashed multiple times during the course of the second book.

Why did I keep him alive? I don’t know. I think I didn’t want a total wipeout of the Shining Sun Order.

Next character, Mitus, the wizard and number two of Hethyr. I finally gave him a name. Overall, he is a loyal member of the Shining Sun Order. I made a reason for him to hate Selaf in this book by having her kill his apprentice. Selaf already had a reason to hate him for the thing he did to her.

Speaking of that, Rillias, Mitus’s apprentice, was created for the reason of having a direct rivalry between Selaf and Mitus. I mean, she did drop his charred corpse on the ground for Mitus to find. Also, I wanted to use Rillias to empthasize the stamina of the Feastends in the third book, that’s why I had Rillias’s style of beating opponents a more rope-a-dope strategy.

Raedaryrm already had a built in conflict with Tähti, so that was great. I wanted to show how Tähti fought, so I decreased his original fighting capability to be more of a pure thinker and schemer type. Though if he had survived, he would have joined with the King and betrayed the ideals of the Shining Sun Order. He’s not too loyal to them.

Dolan, well, he was purely there just to give Ooria something to do. Yes, that was planned from the second book. He is loyal to Raedarym, though.

The fights were much shorter originally. After some feedback, I deepened the emotional impact of them considerably. In the original version, it was sort of just bing-bang done. The events played out the same, but there wasn’t as much struggle or feeling to them.

The revised version put a lot more into Selaf’s feeling of the aftermath, what defeating the Shining Sun Order meant to her. More than defeating them, she now feels safe and no longer scared. The same goes for Tähti as well. Hallas was just glad that the Shining Sun Order is done for because he has more pressing problems to worry about.

Next time, high level Thalliance officials and the Citacron!