Feast of the End, Story changes

Time for a post about the largest difference between the original version of the story and the version that I decided upon in the end. The ending was completely different, though I’ll get into that a bit later.

Also, pretty big ending spoilers.

What I want to talk about first is Dreadclaw Prison, the prison of structures dangling off the oceanside cliff. Originally, I wanted to have a chapter or two in there to show what the inside is like. I mean, who introduces a prison only not to have a prison escape scene? I wanted one.

The prisoner was going to be Kristhal Salon, Tähti’s mother, for her perceived role in what happened at Brangliss. Tähti was then going to break in and save Kristhal before going on her quest. When that didn’t happen, I no longer had any reason to go to Dreadclaw Prison.

Though I always wanted to include the scene at the end of the prison chains breaking and the entire thing crashing into the waters below. That was the entire reason I had the prison on chains.

Now, on to the big change: The Ending.

In the original ending, An was dead and Selaf was the new Anthelia Maiden. Yes, that’s right. She became the Anthelia Maiden on accont of being a feastend of Anmaul. Instead of being powerful herself, she would have Bloodnose (the alpha ampwolf) as her gaurdian as well as any dizak she wants to help her out.

I didn’t like that thematically, though. All things considered, Sorcnon would be the “evil” nation in other stories. Selaf becoming the Athelia Maiden would be like her turning into what she was afraid of, those with power. In addition, the Anthelia Maiden serves the will of the Council, so she wouldn’t be free, anyway.

I realized pretty early on that what Selaf really wants is a chance at a normal life, some place away from the eyes of everyone. That is, like, the opposite of what the Anthelia Maiden is.

Now, instead of actively using Anmaul’s power, Selaf’s new goal is to not use it at all, to hide that the power even exists from the world. Because as long as people think they can use it to gain more power, they will try. So the great responsibility the power comes with is not using it for anything.

In the original ending, I didn’t have a plan for Hallas. Both Tähti and Ooria were going to be aides to Selaf, though. Also, Vice-President Strom (of Railpane) and Radils Siltern were going to also be council members.

There was even another earlier version where Miletta didn’t die. Instead, she did accept Selaf’s offer of being seen as a hero that stopped Thalliance from inside after being captured. I changed it to her being the true final confrontation because Selaf didn’t have enough of a connection to any other bad guy.

That, and I guess I wanted a more idealistic story, where people who do bad things do get punished. Miletta pretty much has done the most on-book bad things out of all characters, and I think it would mean Selaf’s story is at a standstill if she’s still working for Miletta after everything.

All changes were made before I even started writing the book. I mean, the Dreadclaw prison thing would have to be set up in book 2. I think the new version is much stronger in terms of Selaf’s growth. I think I wrote out Miletta for long periods of the book to make it easier to kill her in the end. I just find it tough to kill any of the character’s I’ve made, especially major ones.

Next time, I will put up a cut portion of the book! You might be able to see why it was cut once you read it. Have fun.

Advertisements

Feast of the End 3, Dizaks

Time for the new dizaks in Feast of the End 3! I didn’t introduce as many new dizaks, but the ones I did are the strongest and most important ones in the world. Beware of spoilers. Please finish the book first!

Rhino Dizaks. They are like wooly rhinos. Yeah, that’s it. They are the dizaks kept in the basement prison of the Thalliance palace if you forgot. Strong and tough to take down, that’s them.

The Nightmare Knights, these are the strongest dizaks known to the people. I modeled them after the Arthurian Knights. And if the Citacron are modeled after Charlemagne’s Paladins, that’s like the Knights of the Round Table fighting the Paladins. Still, one on one, the nightmare knights are the strongest.

I decided to give them a simple power, just pure strength, because I wanted to emphasize that simplicity can be good. And I wanted to tie the lesson on how to use feastend powers from the first book into the overall story. The knights are the pinnacle of controlling that power.

The backstory for the nightmare knights are that they are feastends taken to a whole new level. In the past war, human soldiers were combined with dizaks. When they had kids, the second generation became too unruly to leave in society, so they were kicked out. The nightmare knights were given their own land and they stayed there for the most part.

Artona is the king of the nightmare knights and the strongest individual around. He is obviously the Arthur of the knights. The female knight I described at the battle is his wife, Guinnahan.

Originally, I wanted Artona to be the one to go to Anmaul, but I decided he was too important to do that. If he injured someone, they would be dead. So I made another knight, Pacaval, to do it. I wanted to show Pacaval still as strong, so he pretty much just marched through Anmaul without anyone being able to stop him. It also served to show how he is single-mindedly hunting the person that he wounded. Then it gave it more impact when he listens to Selaf in the end.

Anmaul, oh boy, Anmaul. I’ve had the idea that Anmaul is a dizak living under the city since the first book. It’s why I introduced the key points. Key’s unlock things, right? Hehe.

Anyway, Anmaul was originally much larger, like the size of the entire city. But then when it got up, it would destroy the entire city, and I didn’t want that, so I limited its size to a few city blocks under the Key Tower, instead. I was also trying to mitigate a creature of that size just collapsing on itself but having it moved really closer to the ground and having a body structure more like a building than something living.

I hope Anmaul was a fitting final stage for the final climax of the book.

The next part may be double spoiler. Anything here might be relevant information for any future book if I continue the series. Stop reading here if you don’t want to know!

Karnis the Million Beast. This is the dizak that is stored in Karnis, the capital of Thalliance. It is the thousands of wolf statues all around the city. Karnis is a replicating dizak. Every week, it splits. During the war, it was only used for a few weeks before the powers in charge decided that it was too dangerous. Soon, Karnis would outnumber the people of the island, so they tunred it into stonr.

Magloda the Cross Island Cannon, or whatever I gave as its title. This one is definitely dead. It is buried inside the pillar in the center of Magloda, capital of Betaia. Magloda looks like a giant snake that’s wider at the head than the tail. Only it can remain vertical. It has the ability to shoot magical shots with a range that reaches from one end of the island to the other. During the ancient war, it was used to attack the sky cities.

That’s it for the dizaks!

Feast of the End 3, Characters 6

This is likely the final character design notes post, at least for a while. If I find that I have forgotten someone, I will make a new one! This one will be all about the various minor characters that appear in the story. Be wary of spoilers.

Gates. Ah, Gates. I’ll bet you thought he wasn’t going to get any major role again. When I set the scene in the first book of him explaining the best way to use a dizak’s power, I didn’t have any further plans for it. But in this book, I do. And how could I not have him explain it again?

Now that Selaf is much more open to people, Gates is one of the people she likes. He also cares for her. I was never intending on killing him. He’s too nice of a guy for that. I am just glad I managed to work him back into the story.

Dess Mióne. You know, she is among my favorite characters in the book. Though I sort of designed her without regards to the rest of the world. That’s sort of why she has a unique look. I made up the Lumians afterwards to explain her strange haircolor.

Maybe it’s surprising, but she and Selaf have a decent relationship. Dess Mióne likes Selaf and will, when no other conflicts arise, help Selaf over not helping. I also never intended on killing her. The book doesn’t have that kind of karma.

Oh, I forgot if I mentioned it, and this is back in the first book, but slave number one is Dess Mióne’s personal slave that spies on the others.

Radils Siltern. I still don’t have a full use for him, but as he was around, I had to address him somehow. Seeing as how most powerful people in Sorcnon are self-serving and conniving, I decided to have him betray Miletta at the drop of a hat. He will not fight for her one bit.

He’s still around, somewhere.

Gilliam. He… is not in this book. Though he did go off to fight in the war and came back safely.

Lord Thannior Tarea. Miletta’s father. He did not have much of  buildup previous to his appearance, though I suppose the lack of any information about him could point to Miletta’s feelings. I originally thought he should be nicer, but then I wanted Miletta’s childhood not to be that peachy. That’s why I made him harsh and stern. He loves his daughter but is horrible at showing it.

At the end of the story, he is still around, though he rarely leaves his home anymore.

Prinery. Quick note, this character has the favorite name out of any character I made for Feast of the End. She was also a late addition. Before, I sort of wanted Miletta’s father to be addled and remorseful over how he left things with his daughter. He would be the one telling Selaf about Miletta. When his personality changed, I needed someone else to fill that role. Thus came Prinery.

Mür Alline. Since I was always planning on having Sirts die, I figured why not have a possible replacement. That’s why I gave her a decently large role, just to give a sense of her personality and wits. I still wanted to show how harsh she is, hence I wrote the part where Tähti and Mina are asking for her help.

Davin Redkiln. He originally didn’t even have a name until I figured it was too awkward to continue writing that way. He is certainly the much less important of the two lawyers. Oh well.

The generals. The five elite squad commanders as well as the generals of the army. They are:

Anselm Dalkur, commander of the Elite Center Guards. He is not a feastend. I haven’t even decided if I want him to have dizak blood. I sort of think that makes him more of a monster compared to everyone else. There he is, a normal person, going up against people with magic tools. I think I sort of pulled the same thing with him as I did Tähti’s father, show him to be callous towards his children but have him be really affected in the end.

Oh, he did give birth to another son later on that can hopefully continue the Dalkuran line.

Lynn Rapsard, commander of the Elite Assault Force. Out of all the secondary characters, I think he/she had to die. Yes, he/she is dead. He/she is a character that has helped the main character over the previous two books, and thus, is someone decently important.

I still have no idea what I was trying with making him/her gender indeterminate.

Renault Gabre, commander of the Elite Wall Defenders. I mentioned him in the first book but only decided on what he was like this book. I decided for the laid-back kind of guy. I wished I could have detailed the sniper battle during the climax more, but that then I would have to do the fights of the other Citacron, too. Still, I really like the idea that both him and Drael (the Citacron sniper) ducking and weaving in between cover while trying to spot each other.

Baltic Noran, commander of the Elite Investigation Unit. I also mentioned him in the first book. He leads the spies, basically. I gave him a more serious personality. Because he could not warn Sorcnon about Thalliance’s plans early enough, he too took many risks and got killed during the war.

Seraphina Ash, commander of the Elite Dizak Hunters. She was the only one not mentioned in the first book, I think. But she was given special mention in the second book. That continued into the third book to give her a greater role. I wanted someone different from the other cocky and confident commanders, so I made her more shy. Still, she knows how to give a speech when it counts.

Her feastend power allows her to create a large dome of darkness that only she can see through. The other Ashans are equipped with special goggles that allow them to see.

As far as fighting prowess goes, she’s probably tied with Commander Rapsard.

Betaia. They are also not in this book, though I do want to mention what they were doing during the war. When troops started to mobilize, Betaia lined their borders with airships and cannons. They did not join in the fighting, but their presence was a sufficient deterrent in keeping Thalliance forces away from the northern pars of Sorcnon.

That is it for the minor characters. Whew. If I forgot someone, I’ll make a new post later.

Feast of the End 4, Character 5

Welcome to the high-level officials of Sorcnon! This should be the second to last set of character notes. Next time, it will be about other minor characters. And after that, the new dizaks of the book! Spoilers will follow, beware!

The Council, there are six of them and they make decisions by discussion and putting them to a vote. Though they don’t always have to attend, so sometimes there are 5 or less members. Any ties are handled by the Anthelia Maiden.

The council members are Council Member Timodan. He does not have a first name. Only Council Member Sirts has a first name. Timodan was the first council member I made, so I sort of like him better than the others. He is a happy and jovial fellow.

Council Member Allanta is the calm one. He is just sort of there.

Council Member Illias is the oldest of the council members. He also used to be in the military and knows how to fight using his feastend powers. His dizak is a slish, by the way. He wears a monocle because his other eye has been lost to disease. It looks pretty nasty.

Council Member Rays is the youngest of the council members. He is ambitious and wants to show that he can be taken seriously.

Council Member Havel is the only female of the council. She is the most outspoken out of all of them and is used to getting her way. She probably has the second-most or most characterization out of the group.

Lastly, Council Member Orach Sirts, the only one to have a full name. After I noticed that he did not appear in the first book, I whipped up the conflict between him and Miletta. I really liked how that turned out. Overall, I wanted to leave it ambiguous whether he is or is not guilty of killing Miletta’s mother. You can decide that for yourself. Though I will say he has been a trustworthy head of the justice department.

The Anthelia Maiden, otherwise known as Anelly Dalkur. I liked the An- suffix naming scheme for the family, though of course her mother is not named as such. Her mother is still alive, just not all that important.

I don’t think she really changed much over the story. Selaf just got to know her better. The only part where she really throws her authority around is when it concerns her older brother. And though I really liked her character, I sort of had to show just how dangerous King Eaglus and his Citacron are. She has the credibility to be threatening. The Council do not.

Her death scene was the subject was much rewriting. Each time, I made everyone struggle more, both her and the Citacron. It was hard, but I felt it came out really well with the remaining Citacron all needing their skills in order to win. And that was after she wasted most of her power on stopping Anmaul. If she was at full power, the result might be different.

Thus far she has ice powers, moving things with her mind powers (that includes herself) and invisibility powers.

Last for this post is An. This is his book to shine. Despite how he acts, he actually knows whats going on, and he only wants what’s best for everyone. That is why he decides Anmaul is better off gone rather than being used as a tool of war, even by Sorcnon. In the original version I had An dying at the end. I’ll explain the major differences between this ending and the original one later.

An was created for the sole purpose of the ending scene. He would be Selaf’s final guide into choosing to be the person she is. I needed to add in some scenes of Selaf and An bonding, which I think was pretty out of place most of the time but was necessary. I actually added in a few more scenes than before just to get more of an interaction going between An, Selaf and Anelly.

An actually has a lot of dizak powers, more than Anelly. He just doesn’t use them that much. The regenerative one is automatic, though. I do hope people don’t think I was trying to portray any serious mental issues with him. I did not do enough research on that. Whatever An has, it is purely fictional.

That’s all for this post. Bye.